I thought pregnancy was awesome, except for the last 5 weeks of course because of how uncomfortable I was, but being a mom... yeah, that tops it all. I literally have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. Those assignments in school where teachers ask what you want to be when you grow up - my response - A mom. I wanted to be the best mom ever. The kind that doesn't forget special events, the one that all the friends love to talk to in the late night hours when everyone else is asleep. I wanted to be a mom that could be a friend, but also have clear and established boundaries that you WANT to respect. So many high hopes and dreams, all came true on July 15th, 2011.
Right away the most amazing things about being a mom were: watching Declan sleep, watching his facial expressions after he finished nursing, feeling his warm little head in the area between my head and shoulder, hearing the cute little squeak at the end of his cry pattern, looking into his blue/gray eyes, feeling the softness of his skin when he wraps his tiny little fingers around my index finger, looking at and feeling his soft head of hair that reminds me of threads of fine golden silk. I can't get tired of his crying, even when it lasts for an hour or more (which is hasn't yet). I love holding him. I love knowing that no one can comfort him like me. I love that he is OURS. I love knowing that even though Aaron and I love him with all our hearts, God loves him infinitely more and has big plans for him. I love knowing that we get to teach, encourage and support him in all that he does.
Being a mommy means - I get to call him, MY son. I am HIS mommy. We don't have to give him back every couple of days. He is ours forever and ever. And ever.
When I go back to work in a couple of weeks I will have 12 amazing weeks seared into my memory. Days filled with naps and lots of cuddles. Hours spent just looking at one another. Hours spent with him sleeping on my chest so I can feel his heart beat and hear his breath. I will have 12 perfect weeks of 24 hrs a day 7 days a week being a mommy to my perfect baby boy. And while I absolutely dread the thought of returning to work, I know that I get to come home each day and see his sweet face.
On another note, we have been truly blessed with the best friends and most amazing family. Folks have brought us meals, offered wisdom and advice. Others have walked Briseis and played with Nathan to give us a few minutes of relief. Everyone has been so supportive and generous and loving. It's actually a little overwhelming to know how much people care and genuinely want to help. Plus, every person that holds Declan becomes wrapped around his pinky finger. They love him so much - and LOVED him before he was even born. I feel stupid for worrying so much.
Anyways... life is good. Sure there's the usual stuff I can't stop thinking about. That won't ever change. Right now I'm just thankful for each moment I have with my family.
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