OH MY GAH! THE WORRY!!

For the past week all I can think about sometimes is blogging. I want to vent and just blab to get whatever is in my head OUT there. So Declan started a new daycare today. And while I feel so much better knowing that he's in a place where he can truly "play" and roam freely... I'm still stressed out. It's a new person, a new house, new kids, etc. And then comes the mommy guilt. My poor child, I've had him in 3 different daycare providers in the last 3 months. He looks to me for stability, trust, reassurance, love, care, etc. What do I give him? A nut job of a mom and new ladies to care for him. UGH! WHY is there so much guilt?? I feel horrible about everything. I feel bad that I don't talk enough when we are together. That I don't point out obvious things when he is playing, like "Yes, that is a red square. OH! Look that that purple starfish." Instead I just stare at him like he's the only thing on earth with my mouth open and completely forget where I am at. And then I realize - he's almost 11 months old. Know what we haven't done yet? Gone swimming. Hell, he'd never been on a swing before a couple weeks ago. My poor child has been cooped up in the house because we finally live in a place where I want to be inside all the time. But I need to get out. EXCEPT.. it's getting hot. And FAST. So I want to get him out doing stuff. So I feel guilty about that too. And I feel guilty that I'm not making new baby food meals every day. We make a huge batch of something and it lasts for a while. Where's the variety? More guilt. How do parents cope? How do you deal with the daily fact that no matter how hard you try, it will never be enough by YOUR standards? What is going through that poor little mind? When he's playing with blocks one second and I'm right behind him. Then 5 minutes later he turns around to show me something and smile - but I'm gone. An hour later when he's tired and hungry - I'm still gone. Am I coming back? Ugh, the guilt!!