Exciting News for the New Year

For those that know me well, keeping a secret about myself doesn't usually last long. So to have to keep something for 8 weeks has been excruciating!! But it was with much excitement that we announced on Tuesday - I AM PREGNANT!!!!! Whew. Word is out. I feel such a huge sense of relief now.

So, when did I find out? Monday, November 8th.

I don't know how many women have the fear that they won't be able to get pregnant, but I was definitely one of them. We started trying in October with the idea that it would take at least 4-6 months. Well... first time's a charm baby!

Ok. The reveal. Friday the 6th I was a week late with my period so when I got home from work I took a test. Hubby and kiddo were home so I quietly disappeared to the bathroom. First mistake was that I kept Briseis out. I peed on the stick, set it on the counter. Almost immediately Briseis started to freak out. You are supposed to wait 3 minutes to read the results, but I was short on time. I looked at the stick, saw the dark line for "Negative", tossed it in the trash and opened the door to a crazy puppy. Next day we went to the park because the weather was gorgeous!! It's rare that we have a sunny AND warm Saturday in November, so we took full advantage. As hubby and I sat on a bench watching kiddo play I said, "What if I can't get pregnant?" And hubby said, "I think you are worrying way too soon." Of course he was right. That Monday morning the 8th I went to walk Brieis at around 5:45am. As we were walking I got curious. The box for the pee tests say not to read the results after 10 minutes. Well what happens after 10 minutes? Do the results go wacko? She and I got back and I dug through the trash and pulled out the test from Friday. It read POSITIVE!!! GAH!! I had already peed! I chugged 3 glasses of water and hopped in the shower. Got out, managed to squeeze out a pee and TADA!! POSITIVE!!! I couldn't believe it. I called CiCi. Texted her. And proceeded to completely freak out. FINALLY CiCi called back. I told her, "I took a test and it's positive." OMG... her reaction was by far the best ever. She screamed and cried. And screamed. It was awesome.

Went to work. Waited until 11 to take lunch. Went up the street to Rite aid, bought a test and peed right there. POSITIVE!! However, I know tests are supposed to be accurate.. but I just couldn't believe it. Got back to work and called my Dr. office. They had an appt at 3:30 that afternoon. Sure enough their test confirmed that I was in fact pregnant. YAY! Of course I had all day to figure out a creative way to tell hubby. Nothing fit though. SO I just went old fashioned. Got home, walked in, sat down on the couch with him and blurted it out. YAY! We both cried and hugged and it's been amazing ever since.

I haven't had any morning/afternoon sickness at all. I was really tired weeks 2-9. And last week I was dizzy for a few hours. But aside from that, no issues. We had our first prenatal appt on December 9th. The midwife did an impromptu ultrasound which helped me feel more secure that there was actually a baby in there. It was so neat. You can totally see the arm buds and leg buds and the heart valves pumping super fast. We got a picture - see below.

My next appointment is this Thursday. I'll have the full physical exam and hopefully hear the heartbeat. I have started to show a tiny bit and thanks to some great finds here and there I have a few staple clothing items that make me feel more comfortable. Then, on February 8th we find out the sex of our little "Sweet Pea". I can't wait!!!

What else has been going on?

Kiddo turned 5 in November. Hard to believe he's that old already. He is completely obsessed with presents, which I haven't quite figured out how to deal with yet. Then hubby and I spent Thanksgiving in Albuquerque, NM with my girlfriend and her family. We had a really great visit and Briseis did great on the road. Christmas came way too quick this year. We had kiddo which was really fun. Since we hadn't had him for Christmas since he was 3, it was neat to see him so excited. He was very motivated by Santa. Overall, it was a really nice holiday season. We had lots of home time just relaxing and being together.

Work is still pretty busy. I learn something new every day.

Still don't miss school. Ha ha. No surprise there, right?

Briseis is doing really well. She's been with us for almost 4 months. She actually just went into heat again last week so we're dealing with that. Little fuzzy butt is crazy!!

Home is great. Hubby and I are super excited for our new arrival and to have this time together before life is changed forever. Truthfully, I feel like a different person being out of school. I'm less stressed, less on edge, and feel overall relaxed. Or as much as I can be. It's nice.

Next on the agenda is a trip to D.C. to see my best friend in February. It will be a quick trip, but I can't wait to see her. She's pregnant too - about 3 weeks behind me which is SUPER exciting. Other than that... we're just taking it day by day. I'm happy. I'm healthy and life is good.

OH! The guess due date is July 15, 2011.

Sorry it's been a while.

I love the fall season. It is my most favorite of all because the colors are beautiful and the weather is perfect. Not to mention my favorite stuff happens, like my bday, Aaron's bday and thanksgiving. Mmmmm... food.

Here's the latest on stuffs.

Work: Still really busy. But it has slowed down enough for me to catch my breath and get some stuff cleaned up. I'm getting organized, which feels great. I've only wanted to do that for the last YEAR. The re-org has been a mess. We at least have our new assignments now. I got to meet some new customers last week and that went well. Still learning new stuff every day. My team is amazing and the two new peeps that were brought over from a previous team are super cool. Love them! I will say, the government is a wreck. I don't know if other agencies are like this, but from what I've experienced so far, DOI literally complicates things waaaaaaaaaaay more than is necessary. It's almost as if they want to create more work for themselves. But whatever, it's a job.

School: Still DONE. YAY! Not missing it at all! I do miss my bible classes though. Having that interaction with other Christians and talking about God every week. I might look into the whole bible study thing again at the church. Just not sure that I'll ever find what I'm looking for.

Nathan: Little man will be 5 November 17th. So crazy. Can't believe it's been 5 years already. We are having a little party for him at Chucky Cheese's. I know this is to be expected, but he is obsessed with his bday and presents right now. He talks non-stop about a Buzz lightyear toy that he wants. And more race cars. But he's doing great. He does have a new baby sister at home with Momma, so that is creating some behavior issues that we are working on daily.

Aaron: So far so good with him. I think he's still looking at other jobs and seeing what's out there, but nothing yet. No news is good news I suppose right now.

Briseis: She is the adorable dog that we rehomed. That became official Sept 24th. So far everything has been perfect. I was really worried about her separation anxiety, but it's been fine. I give her a raw hide every morning when I leave and put a fan on her. That fur gets hot! We go to the dog park at least 1 or 2 times a week. Aaron takes her for a 30 minute stroll when he gets home and then I love on her when I get home. She is soooo freakin cute. I adore her and while I wasn't sure how Aaron or Nathan would respond, both have been great. Nathan LOVES her. And Aaron is doing reall well with her. YAY! I like it when things turn out successfully!

Other: It's official. Aaron and I are actively trying to get pregnant. Honestly, it's really weird. I never thought about what it would be like... to be at this point in life. I mean, I've wanted to be a mom but never ever tried to get pregnant. And now that I'm here, it's scary. I am already worried that it won't happen or if it does it will take forever. If you know me, you know that I am one of the most impatient people on the planet. But at least now, when it does happen - we have a plan. I visited a midwifery birth center a couple weeks ago. Seemed like the ideal place but then after the visit I think it's a little too natural. I mean, it seems like a nice place but there are just too many ways to risk out of being able to have birth there. As of right now, I'm pretty certain we will go through the Unversity of CO Hospital out in Aurora. They have 4 midwives that are registered to do water births. Yes, that is the delivery method I am hoping for. Curious? Look it up people. It's not that uncommon and it's so much gentler than traditional hospital births. So yeah... at the UCH, they do water births there and in the event that something goes wrong an OR is like 3 yards away from the delivery room. Awesome. Plus, I toured the place and met some people. Very nice. So yes, we have a plan. YAY! Now it's just baby makin time! Keep fingers crossed and say some prayers for us if you don't mind ;-)

What else? OH! I drove down to NM a couple weeks ago to visit my gf and her family. We had a wonderful visit. However, on the way down I lost a piece of my car. Apparently at some point I backed over a curb and bent the bumper to a point where it made a corner pop out. Then driving 85 mph on I 25 with gusty winds took it clear off. I mean, it ripped off people. Looks like a strong man came over and decided to take a piece. Crazy. So that's in the works to get repaired. My poor car. It's still doing fine for the most part. It does this weird hard shift thing every now and then that's annoying. But other than that, it's great.

We are having family pictures taken this Saturday so I am SUPER excited about that. I will try and post a picture once we get them back. Maybe. We'll see. But yea - first family picture we've taken.

And today is Aaron and I's anniversary. 3 years. We've been through a lot already but right now everything feels so good. Kind of a nice feeling. We have Nathan tonight so we are celebrating tomorrow. Not sure what the plan is yet. It's a surprise, according to Aaron. For the most part I don't mind surprises... so I'll fill you in on that one later.

Soooo much to say

Well, last night I celebrated my 30th birthday (a little early, I know) and the fact that I graduated, officially, from college. I organized a little gathering at The Med in Boulder. There were around 20 of us. It was great!! It's so interesting having my group of friends together. It truly is a very diverse collection of people. Once everyone arrived it was sort of neat seeing everyone together. I had my very first Boulder friends at one table (also from my first CO job) and my current friends, who just so happen to be from the U.S.Geological Survey. We delighted in the fabulous tastes of the Mediterranean, sipped good wine and enjoyed good company.

Every now and then, something happens that really puts life in perspective for me. Last night was one of those moments. I realized on the drive home to Littleton, just how incredibly blessed I am to have such generous, devoted, caring and loving friends. Each one resembles the next in some shape or another, but they are all strongly independent and most importantly - direct. There's nothing hiding, no guessing, just very much so a, "What I am is what you get" type of mentality. And I love it. Five years ago I held a similar celebration at the same place. Even then it was an eclectic collection of friends and everyone seemed to have a good time. But I was distracted. I was very much involved with Aaron and didn't truly appreciate the moment as it was happening, at least how I should have. Now, I can absorb these moments as they transpire and appreciate just how big of a deal it is to have something like this in the first place. I mean, how many people can think of more than 10 people who would help them at any second? I have that!! I know that at any moment, no matter what is going on in my life, my friends are there. And hopefully I am that type of friend for them. Willing to do whatever is needed at any time. My heart is swollen with love right now. Love and commitment and loyalty and admiration. My friends are amazing.

Now on to the updates...

Work: So the day of my final class, July 18th, I was promoted to a GS-05. WHOO HOO! It's not a huge raise, but that extra $140 a month helps out soo much! Then, the day my degree was confirmed by CCU, I was converted to a permanent employee. As of August 8, 2010 I became an official REAL Federal Employee. YAY!!! Very exciting. And I can finally say that things have slowed down dramatically so there is now time to really work on other stuff. Stuff that got pushed to the back burner for way too long. I still love my team and hope that with the reorganization that will take place shortly, we'll still be together. Forever and always. Amen. Ha. Anyways, so yeah. Work is cool. Not to mention - I have new friends. Now I have people to go to lunch with and talk with when I'm stressed. People to bounce ideas off of when I'm struggling to comprehend something. AND the specialists are so incredible, they are willing to teach me stuff at any time. I still learn something new every single day.

School: DONE. Got my first B in almost 3 years with the last class. I just stopped caring and really wanted to be done with it all. Now I am an official graduate from Colorado Christian University. I have my BS in Organizational Management - Human Resources, a minor in Psychology, a certificate in Biblical Studies and a certificate in Project Management. Check!!!

Other jobs: Well the care-giving job has slowed down dramatically. I covered a few shifts in July but since then it's been pretty quiet. Dog sitting picked up though and most recently I have hardly been home. I am done for now though, until Sept 2nd. Then I get to watch Eliza through my birthday. I've pretty much decided that any dog sitting from here on out will be very limited to 1-2 nights. For a couple reasons. 1. I miss being home with Aaron and Nathan. 2. I am getting my own dog here soon and she deserves my attention. Details to come on that in a minute. I will continue to be on-call with the care-giving and do small pet sitting here and there... but for the most part I'm done.

New Addition: On September 10th we will officially have a dog in the house. Her name is Briseis and she is precious. She will be 4 in October, doesn't really bark, doesn't chew, is crate trained, potty trained, already loves Aaron, doesn't mind kids (Nathan talks in a high pitch voice that I think kind of scares her), is great with other dogs and most importantly has absolutely no issue or interest in cats. YAY! She's gorgeous. I adore her already and can not wait until she's a part of our family. We had her over the other night for a trial run to see how she'd do away from her current home and it went great. GAH! I can't wait to introduce her to everyone. (Oh… and she is a Keeshond) 

Aaron: Aaron is doing well. The Dr suggested having someone else administer his B12 injections because it costs an outrageous amount having the nurse do it there. SO I am now doing that for him 1 time a month. It helps him feel so much better and that is a huge plus. His job continues to suck. I mean, it's a job and we are of course thankful for the income, but it literally sucks the life out of him every day. He comes home and is so drained from work that he could fall asleep at 3pm and not wake up til the next day. Which, is understandable. Think about it, if all you did every day all day was listen to people bitch and moan about their car issues, it would get kinda old. Everyone is always pissed off or tense or hostile or irritated in someway. We are praying for major opportunities on this front and hope that doors will open up leading the way to a new, brighter, and better future.

Nathan: He is getting so darn big! His momma is teaching him how to read simple words right now, so he knows : Bat, Cat, Sat, Hat, Fat, Mat, Rat. His passion for Hot Wheels continues to thrive and grow every day. As of Sept 1st we will have him Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday nights. It still feels like we hardly have any time at all with him so those few hours are definitely appreciated. I'm not sure when, but he is going to do soccer this fall. That should be fun for everyone - watch a bunch of 5 yr olds run around trying to kick a moving ball. LOL... makes me giggle just thinking about it.

Family: As far as I know, everyone seems to be doing ok. I haven't actually talked to family for a while now. I think it's been a couple weeks. Sister is doing alright. We don't see each other very often, but that's what happens when life gets in the way. And I know it's that way with everyone. All my friends are busy too. Just sad sometimes. My mom and gma are still alive, so that in itself is a miracle. I feel like the sense of urgency to get out of the house they live in is gone, and any motivation to get the clutter out has long been lost. A part of me, and I know this is sick to say, wants to contact the show Hoarders. Cause I know someone would actually get in there and get the crap out. Plus, maybe then my mom and gma would get the professional help they need to deal with their hoarding issues. Sigh. I can't fix them though. All I can do is accept who they are and love them, right??

What else?? My car is great. Aaron replaced the struts at the end of April and OMG did it make all the difference! However, something happened in the last couple months and now there is a “hard shift” going from 1st to 2nd. I have gotten used to it, but when other people are in the car it is of course more obvious. Aaron has mumbled about some parts so that will get repaired eventually. We are still in an apartment and will be at least until March of next year. Hard to believe we’ve been here for a year already. It feels very comfortable and cozy. I do get a little antsy every now and then though and want to de-clutter. It’s easy to accumulate crap that you don’t really need. I guess the only other thing to mention is that Aaron and I will start trying to get pregnant after October. It feels like it has taken forever to get to this point and now that we are basically here, we just want to let it happen. YAY!!!

In 3 weeks I turn 30 and get a dog. In 2 weeks Aaron is going to NYC for a boys trip. Work is settling down. School is over. I can finally get my life back and return to spending time with friends (and hopefully family). I’m lookin up and seein the light. It feels good so far.

P.S. I broke my left foot almost 3 weeks ago. Was walking out a door, stepped wrong, rolled the ankle and snapped my 5th metatarsal. Ouch. I’m in a walking boot for 6 weeks and then will have another 6 weeks of additional recovery. Good news – the bone will heal and return to normal. Bad news – it will take FOR FREAKIN EVER!!! And this damn boot is big, black, bulky and greatly hinders my wardrobe. Sigh. There’s gotta be some drama, right?!

I can't be alone in thinking this stuff... right?

It just so happens to be one of those nights where I am analyzing every little thing about myself, life, other people, etc.

Life is so short, yet we spend so much time worrying about meaningless crap. Why? What good does it do? Why can't or don't we focus on all the good stuff that is right in front of us? Is it because we have a need or desire to balance things out and create drama in our own heads?

And why is it that I can forgive and feel all happy for someone one second and then the next want to scream because of all the bad crap associated with them? And why do the few negative comments that someone says outweigh the tons of positive comments?

Too many 'why's' and not enough answers. Or well, I know the answers but for some reason they don't stay at the forefront of my mind so I have to be reminded of them after I freak out.

Ugh. I am almost done with school. ALMOST. 1.5 weeks left. If you can believe it, I have actually considered going back at some point for a masters degree. In what? Not there yet... but the thought has flickered. Work is still busy. Insanely busy in fact. I can't believe it's July already. I don't have August or beyond in my planner yet so I feel completely disorganized. I am dog sitting for basically month and then the summer will practically be over. And then I'm turning 30. WTF? I have been looking forward to turning 30 but now I'm all - where the hell has the time gone? Have I spent it wisely? Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing?

Right now the hot topic at hand is whether we should get a dog or not. Ever since Lady passed away in 2006 I have had this void in my soul. And every time I'm around other people's dogs I want one of my own. Well, the time has come and opportunities have become available. What should we do? Do we take the plunge? Then, do we get a puppy or consider re-homing a sweet little girl.

Ok. Thoughts are starting to slow a little. That's all for now. Til next time.

A lot to say... too little time

I have looked at my blog every week for a while now with tons to say, but yet no energy to type it all out. We'll see how much I get out tonight.

1. Jon Smith - still sucks. Yeah, haven't gotten over what went down in January yet. So if you (Jon) are reading this - I am really glad you haven't made any attempts to contact me. And I hope you have no intentions of doing so in the future.

2. School - I finally got my HR class done and over with. I managed to creep out with an A, which is just crazy to me. I learned a lot and was so thankful to be done in the end. However, my instructor is truly amazing and I will miss communicating with her. The class I'm finishing up now is Theories of Personality. The textbook is really neat and I sort of wish I wasn't renting it. I keep seeing things that I want to highlight, tab, mark, etc. Eh... who knows. Maybe I'll buy it later. As of last night I began my Directive Study on Depression and then in June I'll have my very last class - online - on Abnormal Psychology. That class I am really looking forward too.

3. Work - Still really busy. I feel like such a slacker because every day I learn something I also remember there is something else I forgot and have to make time for. There aren't enough hours in the day and overtime hasn't been approved. So... I'm stuck. There is a guy that works in our office that used to be an HR Assistant. Apparently he was really really good. I'm going to ask him to lunch at some point and see if he can show me a few things. Right now - my desk is covered with green folders every day. I tell my customers it looks like Christmas.

4. Vegas was AWESOME. I had so much fun visiting with my best friend and making a new friend, her cousin. We got to shake our booties in a hot club and I managed to get stupid drunk and puke a few times. Walked the strip... got some sun... ate some delicious food and had some good conversation. Now I can't wait to go back. Also got temp tattoo and managed to fool a few peeps into believing it was real. Even if for just a few minutes ;-)

5. Easter with Nathan was fun. We had a surprise visit from one of my girlfriends and her son. They stopped by that Saturday so the kids colored eggs and played for a few hours. I made a yummy dinner. Then that Sunday we had a nice breakfast and just played. It was uneventful and quiet. A peaceful day for a peaceful holiday.

6. Graduation is coming up quick now. I thought my step dad was going to make it out here for the ceremony, but sadly... he lost his job. SO now my step-grandmother is coming instead. She'll fly in Fri morning and out Sunday morning. YAY!

7. Side job of Caregiving is going good. I have a client right now that I see Sunday mornings and Monday/Tuesday evenings. She is super sweet and very calm/patient. I truly enjoy spending time with her. It does make me a little sad at times though because I'm not able to do this with real family. And I want to buy her stuff (ie flowers, games, puzzles, clothes, etc.) Think I can adopt??

8. Side job of Dog Sitting is chill right now. I haven't done a whole lot which is good. Between all the other stuff I am SWAMPED. But I do miss my pups.

Have I mentioned that I am so incredibly busy that it takes me a couple days to respond to emails? That's just unheard of normally. Same with phone calls. I feel like I live in my car some days, which is fine with my new car. But still... sleep is definitely lacking. I would love to take a vacation to Naples. I saw tickets to Ft. Myers for $142. SIGH. The idea of vegging out on the beach for 3 days sounds delightful. Maybe later on. 30th birthday present perhaps??

K. I have procrastinated long enough... take this for now.

Stupid series... UGH!

I have become re-addicted, obsessed, etc. with the Twilight saga. CRAP FIRE! I was doing so well before and then last night I read about the trailer. GAH! I'm completely re-hooked. This weekend I plan to do homework, catch up on Season 4 of Dexter and re-read Eclipse. That should keep me busy, huh?

DAMN THIS SERIES!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! It is literally like crack to my brain. Or as I prefer to call it - Cotton Candy for the mind. It's pure sugar. And it's fake. So I just need to keep reminding myself of that, take some deep breaths and do everything possible from behaving like a silly school girl.

And for the record... there is a youtube video of a band that did a video, "Twilight - what have you done with my wife?" that is ABSOLUTELY hillarious. LOVE IT. And sooo sooo true. Sad.

I need to rant or something

I'm scattered. As in - my mind is literally all over the freakin place. What helps me focus? Lists.

School. Ok, so the class I'm in right now is kicking my butt. I have assignments every week that I really have to tend to and due dates that have no flexibility. In a way I feel like working for the government has slowed my way of doing things down. I can't think as fast because my first instinct is - eh, it's not the end of the world. Right? So yeah... I have like two more weeks left of class and then the next one rolls in. In looking at my schedule I will be steady until July 18th. That is when it's all over. Although, I still won't technically graduate until August. Which is fine. OH! So I ordered my cap and gown a week or so ago and it arrived. I tried it on. Pretty cool. I get to pick the rope up after April 15th, so that will be super cool when the whole outfit is all together. Did I mention that I looked at class rings? Yep. In high school I could have cared less about a class ring. Now - I want one. And there are nice ones out there... modern... simple... me. But too damn pricey.

Work. I think I mentioned before that the last few weeks have been insane. I have felt really overwhelmed at work and it's just been really busy. As HR Assistants we have a lot of responsibility to make sure important stuff is done correctly. Not any more than someone else in another job... but the pressure or stress level just feels a little heavier. Well my boss and I talked and she's going to take some stuff off my plate. Which feels really great because then I can breathe, but then I feel like such a slacker because I can't handle it all. I want to be able to do it all. All of the time. But there is just soooo much information. And I worry that I won't get it. I've been there for 9 months already and ... idk. It just doesn't feel like I'm where I want to be yet. Probably the biggest thing tripping me up right now is the pay.

So here is part 1 of my rant. The whole point of me going back to school and getting an education was so that I could be a strong, independent woman. Having a degree would open the doors to opportunities otherwise not available. Yet, as it stands... when I graduate I'm going to be THOUSANDS of dollars in debt (more so than I already am)and making $15k LESS than I was as an admin. I hated doing admin work. It was boring, repetitive and almost every boss I had was a turd. Not all - but most. And so it just sucks that here I am, getting my degree in HR and working in an HR job... yet I make crap for money. So to make up the difference, I am working two part time jobs. TWO. UGH. It's infuriating. I hate it. And I don't know what to do. So on nights when I really hate school and feel like quitting - this is what consumes my mind/thoughts. WHY GO ON?? WHY waste more money?

Anyways. What else. Bible study. Ok, so last fall I finally felt a tug or pull or whatever you want to call it to join a bible study / small group. I contacted a lady at the church. She emailed back and recommended that I wait til January because a lot of studies would be coming to a close with the holidays, blah blah blah. So I waited. I started this study in January and went in with the intention to learn more about the bible and grow with some other christian women. Well, last class at least two women at my table of 5 said that they don't complete their homework because the questions are too personal.

Rant number 2. SERIOUSLY?? What is the point of being in a small group or doing a bible study with a few ladies if you aren't even going to talk about the gutsy stuff? Otherwise, you could do it at home - ALONE. So I'm disappointed. The book of Daniel is really an incredible story and listening/watching Beth Moore has changed my life. Her view and interpretation of scripture is just amazing. But I'm more comfortable watching them at home and asking my own questions out loud than sitting at a table with a group of women who only want to talk about surface stuff. It's just - the whole point of doing it together is so that we grow and learn and listen and have the fellowship that we are supposed to have - that we are called to have with each other. Why? Because we can't have this type of fellowship with non-believers. I know for those of you who don't believe in God, I must sound crazy or whatever. But I'm just sad and disappointed. For now I'll continue to go and when it's all said and done, do a little more research into who I'm dealing with. We'll see how that goes.

Family. I can't stop thinking about family right now. Everyone is on my mind and it drives me crazy that I can't see them more or talk to them more... or whatever. I am still hoping to make it back to NC in the next few months, but I don't know if that's going to happen. Ticket prices are really high right now. On a positive note - my ex-step dad is going to fly out for my graduation ceremony in May. I am SUPER excited for that. I've told a few family members already and no one is interested. Whatever. I guess for most people graduating college isn't a big deal. For me - it is a BIG deal. I have spent the last 6 years of my life working and going to school along with everything else. It is a HUGE honor and big deal to have family be here when I walk across that stage. And yet I've only got 1 person who shows any level of enthusiasm or interest.

So basically, I suck. Because my people don't live up to my expectations and therefore I become disappointed and depressed. Blah.

Baby Fever. And I don't mean just the human kind... it's all over. This past Sunday Aaron and I went to a Keeshond Mardi Gras party. I found a breeder online and she invited me to the party. It was awesome. All these furry little babies running around all over the place. It only made me miss Lady even more and solidify once again that this breed is truly - MY breed. Aaron did great. He didn't interact with the dogs too much, but showed no sign of anxiety or stress. I talked with a breeder and met one of the gals she is going to breed this summer. I am hoping for a pup from that litter later on this fall. YAY!! Aside from furry babies though... there are pregnant women everywhere. The gal that sits on the other side of my cube wall is pregnant. We aren't close so I can't just talk to her or ask all the questions I want. Plus, I'm like hundreds of other freaks that wants to touch her belly. I haven't asked and I won't. But it's there. Then, like a punch in the stomach we found out last night that Nathan's mommy is pregnant and due in November. What's weird is that when I thought she was pregnant last year I was ok. Now, I'm a mess. I'm jealous. I'm envious. Things that I'm not normally. Why?? Aaron and I have openly talked about our plans to get pregnant next year. So it's not like I don't have something to look forward to, because I do. But then there is a fear. Fear of - what if? What if I can't or don't get pregnant? How do you live life surrounded by women who have babies like it's nothing? And I think with Baby's Momma in particular, it's a combination of things. I feel like she has everything she's ever wanted and it all comes so easily. Secure job - check. Stable husband - check. Big house - check. New car - check. Involvement at the church - check. I mean, the list goes on and on. And I ask myself - how much freakin longer? Ugh. I know that if the time were right, we'd be pregnant right now. It's just still a little hard to watch other people when you know you can't yet. I'm just really anxious for that experience. OH! Not to mention - my sister-in-law is pregnant too. Due in October. Of course I am thrilled for all these mommies, I just want to be one.

What else? Vegas is less than two weeks away. I can't wait. So I have Vegas in March. Easter with the squirt in April... graduation and visitor in May. Father's Day in June. Etc.

I guess for now I'm done. The words and thoughts are out of my head.