OH MY GAH! THE WORRY!!

For the past week all I can think about sometimes is blogging. I want to vent and just blab to get whatever is in my head OUT there. So Declan started a new daycare today. And while I feel so much better knowing that he's in a place where he can truly "play" and roam freely... I'm still stressed out. It's a new person, a new house, new kids, etc. And then comes the mommy guilt. My poor child, I've had him in 3 different daycare providers in the last 3 months. He looks to me for stability, trust, reassurance, love, care, etc. What do I give him? A nut job of a mom and new ladies to care for him. UGH! WHY is there so much guilt?? I feel horrible about everything. I feel bad that I don't talk enough when we are together. That I don't point out obvious things when he is playing, like "Yes, that is a red square. OH! Look that that purple starfish." Instead I just stare at him like he's the only thing on earth with my mouth open and completely forget where I am at. And then I realize - he's almost 11 months old. Know what we haven't done yet? Gone swimming. Hell, he'd never been on a swing before a couple weeks ago. My poor child has been cooped up in the house because we finally live in a place where I want to be inside all the time. But I need to get out. EXCEPT.. it's getting hot. And FAST. So I want to get him out doing stuff. So I feel guilty about that too. And I feel guilty that I'm not making new baby food meals every day. We make a huge batch of something and it lasts for a while. Where's the variety? More guilt. How do parents cope? How do you deal with the daily fact that no matter how hard you try, it will never be enough by YOUR standards? What is going through that poor little mind? When he's playing with blocks one second and I'm right behind him. Then 5 minutes later he turns around to show me something and smile - but I'm gone. An hour later when he's tired and hungry - I'm still gone. Am I coming back? Ugh, the guilt!!

Having a Baby is Bliss & Grateful for Friends and Family

I thought pregnancy was awesome, except for the last 5 weeks of course because of how uncomfortable I was, but being a mom... yeah, that tops it all. I literally have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. Those assignments in school where teachers ask what you want to be when you grow up - my response - A mom. I wanted to be the best mom ever. The kind that doesn't forget special events, the one that all the friends love to talk to in the late night hours when everyone else is asleep. I wanted to be a mom that could be a friend, but also have clear and established boundaries that you WANT to respect. So many high hopes and dreams, all came true on July 15th, 2011.

Right away the most amazing things about being a mom were: watching Declan sleep, watching his facial expressions after he finished nursing, feeling his warm little head in the area between my head and shoulder, hearing the cute little squeak at the end of his cry pattern, looking into his blue/gray eyes, feeling the softness of his skin when he wraps his tiny little fingers around my index finger, looking at and feeling his soft head of hair that reminds me of threads of fine golden silk. I can't get tired of his crying, even when it lasts for an hour or more (which is hasn't yet). I love holding him. I love knowing that no one can comfort him like me. I love that he is OURS. I love knowing that even though Aaron and I love him with all our hearts, God loves him infinitely more and has big plans for him. I love knowing that we get to teach, encourage and support him in all that he does.

Being a mommy means - I get to call him, MY son. I am HIS mommy. We don't have to give him back every couple of days. He is ours forever and ever. And ever.

When I go back to work in a couple of weeks I will have 12 amazing weeks seared into my memory. Days filled with naps and lots of cuddles. Hours spent just looking at one another. Hours spent with him sleeping on my chest so I can feel his heart beat and hear his breath. I will have 12 perfect weeks of 24 hrs a day 7 days a week being a mommy to my perfect baby boy. And while I absolutely dread the thought of returning to work, I know that I get to come home each day and see his sweet face.

On another note, we have been truly blessed with the best friends and most amazing family. Folks have brought us meals, offered wisdom and advice. Others have walked Briseis and played with Nathan to give us a few minutes of relief. Everyone has been so supportive and generous and loving. It's actually a little overwhelming to know how much people care and genuinely want to help. Plus, every person that holds Declan becomes wrapped around his pinky finger. They love him so much - and LOVED him before he was even born. I feel stupid for worrying so much.

Anyways... life is good. Sure there's the usual stuff I can't stop thinking about. That won't ever change. Right now I'm just thankful for each moment I have with my family.

Our pictures

Here's the URL link to view our pictures. We upload new pics periodically so check back every now and then.

Enjoy!



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Dear Declan,

Before any more time passes, I want to let you know how amazing the past 5 weeks have been. I'm going to break it down, week by week if I can cause that's just how I do things.

Day 1 / Week 1
My entire world changed the moment I saw you. The Dr. pulled you out of my belly and the entire operating room staff erupted into laughter. When you came out your legs were sticking straight up in the air, with your feet up by your ears. They immediately took you to the warmer and wiped you off. It was there that Daddy touched you for the first time. That was the best view EVER! While they were closing up my incision, I looked over at the two of you and felt so full of love and joy. Daddy was stroking your cheek and you had put that little hand of yours right on his wrist. A minute or two later the nurses wrapped you up and put you right on my chest. I couldn't believe how perfect you were. So quiet and peaceful. You smelled sweet and your skin was so soft. Daddy and I held you there for the remainder of the time that they were closing me up.

The next couple days in the hospital were great! You were the best baby and everyone kept commenting on how perfect you were. I loved just holding you on my chest and laying you on my pillow to watch you sleep. We slept skin to skin a lot that first week and it was amazing. You were born on a Friday and we went home that following Monday. Our first night home I could hardly sleep. And I didn't sleep at all the first night you were born. I was too excited! I couldn't believe you were actually here! Everyone kept saying how tiny you were, but I loved how you fit with me no matter what. I cupped your head in my hand and your tiny little fingers wrapped around my fingers while you nursed. Oh, and your cry is one of the cutest sounds I've ever heard. (Not saying that I liked you crying... but even the sound of your cry was super cute). The nurses also kept making comments on how expressive you were whenever they'd take you to the nursery for vitals and such. You weren't awake a whole lot, which is normal... but when you were the eyes were open and you would just stare at me. That first week at home was awesome too. Daddy was home with us, which made it the best week ever. That Tuesday you met Dr. Mike and even he said you were perfect. Nathan came over that Wednesday and met you for the first time. He was so excited and LOVED seeing you finally. We were all together for a couple days after that and even took our first trip to the park that Friday. It was a great way to spend your 1 week birthday! Gosh it went by fast. That Saturday you attended your very first wedding: Jennifer and Ryan Daberkow. It was very beautiful and you did so much better than I could have expected. Almost my entire office was there and they all loved seeing you.

Week 2
Unfortunately, Daddy had to go back to work this week. I still wasn't allowed to drive so we just hung out at home. But it was nice because friends stopped by for visits. Everyone wants to come over and hold you! When folks weren't here you and I did a lot of napping and hanging out. I didn't say a whole lot, but we did a lot of staring at each other. This week you and I kind of had a routine. You definitely slept in shorter stints of time. You would wake up and nurse for about 20-30 minutes and then be awake for an hour or so. Then fall asleep for a couple hours. In the middle of the night we'd be up for a little over an hour. You woke up around 1:30am and then again between 3-4am. Not really any big changes this week. My boss and friend came by to see you during lunch time, but you were sound asleep. You definitely like to nap around lunch time:-) That's also my favorite time of the day to sleep.

Week 3
This week I was able to drive again, YAY! While I was so excited to be driving again so we could leave the house, I was absolutely petrified of driving in the car with you alone in case you started to fuss. We had Dr. appointments that Tuesday and Wednesday. The Tuesday appt was in Aurora, which is far away, so I was really nervous. But, in true Declan form, you did GREAT! You slept the entire time and acted as if nothing happened when we got home. It was a great success and gave me the confidence to leave the house more often. This week we had your two week follow up appointment with Dr. Mike. It was a little over 2 weeks because he was on vacation, but that was ok. Your head measured in the 75%, weight and height in 30%. You were back to your birth weight, which was good... but Dr. Mike had hoped you would have gained a little more weight. Not to worry he said - everything still sounded like it was going great. However, I immediately began to worry cause I don't want you to be underweight. That isn't a good thing. The morning before your Dr. appointment I took you to my work. All the ladies just LOVED seeing you and eventually passed you around so they could all hold you. Again, everyone commented on how perfect and beautiful you were. I just kept saying, "I know;-)" We got to participate in the birthday celebration for Jennifer D, who had recently gotten married, and Aunt Liz announced that I had also been promoted. There was delicious pie and it was great seeing all my work friends. I miss them a lot. Not the work though!

Week 4
Not a whole lot going on this week. This Monday we had to go to Children's Hospital so they could do an ultrasound on your little hips. Because you were born breech, it is common for the hip joints to not form properly. As a precaution we had to get it checked out. Of course I was nervous, but we got the results the next day that everything was just fine. Whew! More friends came by to visit, which was great. I love talking with my friends and seeing them hold you. It makes me feel good to know that you will grow up knowing all the people that are special to me, and Daddy too. The week before, this week and the next after Nathan was with us during the day Wed- Fri. You loved it when he would talk to you and touch your feet, head and hands. He is so gentle with you, but loves you so much. I think CC (Aunt Celeste) visited this weekend as well. She comes down to see you as much as possible and holds you almost the entire time she's over. You love sleeping on her chest and look so peaceful. She comes in and says, "Give me my baby!" Her eyes literally light up when she sees you and I know her heart swells with each breath you take. You are a very lucky boy.

Week 5
The beginning of the week started out a little stressful. You have been eating a LOT more lately, or maybe more frequently and we were worried that you weren't getting enough to eat. So I called a lactation consultant and made an appointment for that Monday. Of course within a few minutes of the appointment I learned we had nothing to worry about. You had gained the perfect number of ounces that Dr. Mike wanted and both ladies reassured me that you were doing great. They gave me some great tips and lots of helpful information. Physically I guess you are a little bit bigger. Your onesies fit snuggly and items that were so big before have filled in over the past couple weeks. Then that Friday (5 weeks old!) we went to see Daddy at work in Arvada. Nathan was with us and we got to walk around meeting Daddy's friends and co-workers. Afterward we went to see my friend Stephen. Later that night we had open house at Nathan's school for kindergarten. Your big brother is starting school! It was a very busy day, but again - you did great.

Overall I have felt so much better since seeing the lactation consultants knowing that we are doing things right. I can tell you are gaining weight, which makes me feel good. But also a little sad because it means you are growing up already. You have a cute little double chin, your skin is smooth and soft, and certain parts of you are filling out more each day. By this point you stay awake for about 2 hours at a time. You look at me or Daddy for minutes at a time but seem to mostly be interested in what's behind us on the walls. Daddy has lots of artwork placed around so there is always something neat to look at. Our midnight feedings have shortened quite a bit, but are still pretty quiet. You still hold onto one of my fingers when you are eating, which I love. You don't really cry unless you are hungry, tired or have a messy diaper. OH! My best friend, Krissi, had her little boy - Ethan. She and I have been able to text in the night which has been really great.

One of the best things ever these past few weeks has been when you are sleeping and do this cute little laugh. You'll have the sleepy, straight face and then all of a sudden, your mouth will open a little bit and then it will creep into a smile. Then this super cute high pitch laugh comes out. LOVE IT!!!! I haven't been able to get it on film yet, but oh my goodness it's so stinkin cute. Thankfully Daddy got to hear it after a few times of me telling him about it. We really just can't get enough of you. We stare at you in complete awe of how amazing you are. Neither one of us ever imagined that we could create something so perfect, and here you are. My friend, Christine, gave us a book called, "My wish come true" and it is a perfect story of you and I. You see, Declan... all my life I dreamed of having a baby. But one night in October as I was driving home from having had a massage, I looked up to the stars and prayed to God that he would bless us with a baby. I prayed that His will would be done and that if He did bless us with such a precious gift, that we would also be given all the necessary means to take care of you. Boy did He provide! During the course of my pregnancy, I often prayed to God that you would be all sorts of wonderful things. Daddy and I look forward to watching you grow as all of those prayers come true.

You are everything that Daddy and I have ever wanted. You are our wish come true. You are a gift from God. You are perfect in every way and we love you with all that we are.

Feet

During my entire pregnancy folks at work and friends all around me kept suggesting over and over again that I should get a pedicure, a massage or something for myself. I finally got around to doing just that the last week of being pregnant.

The week Declan was born I had a pedicure, got my hair cut and had a prenatal massage.

The pedicure: per a friend's recommendation I went to a salon I had never been to before. I scheduled the appointment and was desperately looking forward to it for over two weeks.

You see, since week 34 my ankles and feet had become one giant loaf of puffy pregnant flesh. It was gross. It was painful. It was incredibly uncomfortable. Walking hurt and even bending my toes in any direction hurt. I was forced to wear my flip flops because they were the only 'shoes' that fit. My skin was so tight that it actually had developed this bright pink/red tone to it on my shins and hurt to the touch. What made it worse was, with all the added weight I had gained, my left foot that had been broken last year KILLED me when walking. Overall, it was a miserable last 6 weeks in the lower leg department. Everything else was fine though.

Anyways... my midwives had recommended that Aaron do this special massage on my feet and shin/calf area to help with the swelling and move the fluid back UP. It was this real quick, barely touch motion that had to be quick with not too much pressure. Once Aaron got the hang of it, I was able to get some relief for a few hours at night. Going into the pedicure I thought, "Hmm... I hope they know how to massage swollen pregnant feet." How silly of me!

I started out in the typical situation, sitting upright in a massaging chair with my feet soaking in warm water. Now, normally I enjoy HOT water... but not right now with my feet all sore and achy. Therefore I didn't mind the fact this water was luke warm. Then each foot was hardly scrubbed and the cuticles were cut and nails were trimmed. The whole 'manicure' process barely lasted 10 minutes. Then she whipped out some scrub and began intensely rubbing on my lower legs. HOLY crap fire that hurt! I felt like someone had put liquid fire right on my legs and kept rubbing it in. I didn't flat out cry, but I teared up quite a bit. I didn't want to say anything because I figured she would notice how red and irritated they had become since putting the scrub on. Uh, no. Thankfully that didn't last too long and before I knew it the lotion was vigorously being rubbed in to soothe the inflamed skin.

Here's where people who have jobs involving feet - should know about feet.

The proceeded to give my lower legs and feet a normal foot massage. Ya know, one where they move the fingers around and around going top to bottom and bottom to top, not really doing anything but moving the skin/muscle around. This lasted for about 10 minutes and in the end, my feet ended up in worse shape than when I first arrived. They were even more swollen (if that was possible) and now irritated from having been scrubbed and rubbed the wrong way. You see, if a person is giving a pregnant woman a foot massage and she has obvious swelling - the muscles should barely be touched and the skin should be treated with that light, movement I mentioned before that the midwife showed me. The fluid needs to be moved back UP. And you should actually LOOK at the skin before you put some chemical on it. My point - treat a pregnant chick's feet with care because they are incredibly sensitive!

In the end, I gave a small tip and thanked them for my beautiful paint job. I got this cute little design on each big toe. Now - had I actually thought about the process before scheduling the appointment, I would have just sucked it up and gone to a better place. A couple years ago I went to a salon for a friends birthday and had some reflexology done along with an ion-cleanse treatment. It was amazing. I felt like I had a facial and done 2 days of yoga when I was done. Pricey - yes. But well worth it.

Lesson learned. If I want a fancy toe design painted on my toenails - I'll go to this place. If I want to have my feet pampered - I will go to a place that knows a thing or two about some feet.

Things I want to blog about

Of course I haven't kept up on my blog as I had hoped... but I haven't stopped thinking of stuff I want to say. Here's my list as of right now:

- People who work with feet - should know about feet

- Having a baby is bliss

- Dear Declan

- Grateful for family/ friends

- Cats drive me crazy

- My husband is amazing

- Being awake in the middle of the night is lonely

That's it for now. But the plan is to tackle each item in the next couple weeks. Bare with me people... I'm tryin to get my life organized :-)

2011 Quarterly Update

Well not writing until now has been a little unexpected, but that's ok. I'll do my best to catch everyone up!

Baby: Found out on Monday February 14, 2011 that we are having a bouncy baby BOY!!! At first I was a little disappointed, but now I'm super excited. I realized that my lack of thrill came from the fact that I never really "bonded" or connected with Nathan and so in my mind I thought - well, if I have a girl I'll bond with her. I have since come to recognize that it's not because Nathan's a boy, it's because he's not 'mine'. I mean, I love and adore him and he's known me since day 1, but still. It's not the same as his relationship with his mom. Which it shouldn't be anyway. But yeah, all is good. Aaron is excited and most everyone else is happy for us. My mom said that she's disappointed for me because she knew how much I wanted a little girl. However, something I thought was funny... until we found out everyone was like, "Oh, it's a girl for sure." Then I break the news its a boy. Everyone says, "Oh you know what... little boys love their mommies. They are your best friend until they are teenagers. And little girls hate their mommies. So you'll have fun." Super. Thanks people. I love the idea that my kid might hate me.

Anyways... I'm almost 26 weeks along and so far all is well. I had a midwife appt the other day. I've gained 10 lbs, which is terrific because until this point I had been in the negative on weight gain. But weeks 21, 22 and 23 I was an eating machine. I could not get enough to eat. Never felt full. Just ate and ate and ate. It paid off! My belly size is perfect at 25 cm. Baby's heartbeat is around 140bmp and my blood pressure remains super low and ideal. We are also officially registered for a highly recommended childbirth class in June. It'll be a 3 day event, but the lady that give the class is supposed to be really good. I'm excited. Still need to register for the breast feeding class. That'll be in June too.

Baby shower is fast approaching. It will be Saturday May 14. Of course I didn't take into consideration high school / college graduations so a few people have already told me they can't make it. Plus it's the start of wedding season. I was a little down for a week or so knowing these ladies wouldn't make it. But I know I'll see them another time. I just wanted to have all my chicks in one place at one time, ya know? Put faces to names so folks know who I'm talking about. We registered at Babies R Us and Target. That was actually a lot more fun than I imagined. I had gone to Babies R Us a few days prior with a friend and got a lay of the land, so to speak. That helped a LOT. The store wasn't nearly as overwhelming when we registered. A note on registering though... I find it highly frustrating that new parents go through all this effort to register for items they really like and/or need. Yet people still completely disregard the registry and buy what THEY want. So I put a note on both registries to please include a gift receipt. We seriously don't have the room for unnecessary items. We registered for what we truly need.

Which on that note I have to say - we are soooo blessed. A close friend is loaning us her crib, my boss gave us her car seat with two bases AND the stroller that goes with along with a bassinette. Then another friend is loaning me her breast pump. And we've already received a huge bag of bottles and baby toys. All the big items are covered, with the exception of the baby monitor and a couple other things here and there. But still.. that's a lot of stuff we don't have to worry about.

Overall, the pregnancy has been awesome. I haven't had a migraine in 12 weeks. YAY!!! I haven't had any sickness. My biggest thing is that I'm tired, pretty much all the time. But aside from that, I feel great. Pregnancy agrees with me :-)

The Squirt: So he started soccer a couple weeks ago and that's been really fun. He also started swim lessons last week and is doing GREAT. Which is a huge relief to me because I was worried how he'd do this summer when we play with other kids at the pool. Now I can feel confident that he will have fun and not be stressed out by being in the water. Once soccer is over, t-ball season will start up in June. Not sure how many of those games I'll make, but looking forward to it still. It's so fun to watch little kids play in jerseys and little shorts with shin pads and helmets and chase balls around. Fun stuff. He tried out preschool for a little while. Jan - March. That, unfortunately, didn't go as we had hoped. Turns out coming into a class mid way through the year is frowned upon. Whatever. Jerks. The kid is good. So now he's home with mom full time and that seems to be going well again. In general, having a 5 year old hasn't been too challenging. But he is defiant and has his own agenda, which can be frustrating. He and Daddy had a battle of wills last week and that was not fun to witness. Stubborn, strong willed kids are HARD! Regardless, we are all going to do our best to prep him for kindergarten in the fall. It's coming quick. Crazy how fast they grow!

Daddy: Not a whole lot new here. He's shown a lot of different art pieces in various exhibits. There was one at a spa, one at the Jeffco Sheriff's office, another one at a huge art gallery near down town and then this week it's a golf club. The exposure is good, but nothing has sold yet. What is the 'sweet spot' in pricing for good art? Work is still the same. He hates it. Still no raise and no room for growth or other opportunities. He's on the hunt now for a part time job so that we can afford child care come September / October. He did join a softball league for 6 or 8 weeks and that's been fun for him. They have won a couple times and I think most of the guys on the team are pretty focused. It's a good group of men.

Furry Kids: Briseis is doing alright. She's still crazy and super attached to me, which can be good and bad. Right now I'm a little worried just because she gets excited and jumps a lot. I've gotten two firm paws to the lower belly a few times and that doesn't feel real good. Plus she's just not real obedient. We need to really carve out time to work with her and hopefully that will help. Otherwise I'm scared to bring a baby in the house. She pawed me in the face 3 times last week! The cats are fine. They've slowly been getting used to having a dog in the house so Roxy creeps out to the living room every once in a while. Only took 6 months! But when all 3 are in the bedroom, it's fine. They know each other is there but don't mess with one another.

What else? Work is the same for me. Busy busy. Just pluggin along and hopefully moving toward getting my next promotion in July. Gotta attend some training in May for that, but it's cool.

I think of stuff to blog about ALL the time but obviously it hasn't made the transfer over to here. Sorry about that. I'll try to write more and maybe even post a new pic or two! In the mean time... thanks for reading. Hope you feel more in the loop on our life. Adios! xoxox

Exciting News for the New Year

For those that know me well, keeping a secret about myself doesn't usually last long. So to have to keep something for 8 weeks has been excruciating!! But it was with much excitement that we announced on Tuesday - I AM PREGNANT!!!!! Whew. Word is out. I feel such a huge sense of relief now.

So, when did I find out? Monday, November 8th.

I don't know how many women have the fear that they won't be able to get pregnant, but I was definitely one of them. We started trying in October with the idea that it would take at least 4-6 months. Well... first time's a charm baby!

Ok. The reveal. Friday the 6th I was a week late with my period so when I got home from work I took a test. Hubby and kiddo were home so I quietly disappeared to the bathroom. First mistake was that I kept Briseis out. I peed on the stick, set it on the counter. Almost immediately Briseis started to freak out. You are supposed to wait 3 minutes to read the results, but I was short on time. I looked at the stick, saw the dark line for "Negative", tossed it in the trash and opened the door to a crazy puppy. Next day we went to the park because the weather was gorgeous!! It's rare that we have a sunny AND warm Saturday in November, so we took full advantage. As hubby and I sat on a bench watching kiddo play I said, "What if I can't get pregnant?" And hubby said, "I think you are worrying way too soon." Of course he was right. That Monday morning the 8th I went to walk Brieis at around 5:45am. As we were walking I got curious. The box for the pee tests say not to read the results after 10 minutes. Well what happens after 10 minutes? Do the results go wacko? She and I got back and I dug through the trash and pulled out the test from Friday. It read POSITIVE!!! GAH!! I had already peed! I chugged 3 glasses of water and hopped in the shower. Got out, managed to squeeze out a pee and TADA!! POSITIVE!!! I couldn't believe it. I called CiCi. Texted her. And proceeded to completely freak out. FINALLY CiCi called back. I told her, "I took a test and it's positive." OMG... her reaction was by far the best ever. She screamed and cried. And screamed. It was awesome.

Went to work. Waited until 11 to take lunch. Went up the street to Rite aid, bought a test and peed right there. POSITIVE!! However, I know tests are supposed to be accurate.. but I just couldn't believe it. Got back to work and called my Dr. office. They had an appt at 3:30 that afternoon. Sure enough their test confirmed that I was in fact pregnant. YAY! Of course I had all day to figure out a creative way to tell hubby. Nothing fit though. SO I just went old fashioned. Got home, walked in, sat down on the couch with him and blurted it out. YAY! We both cried and hugged and it's been amazing ever since.

I haven't had any morning/afternoon sickness at all. I was really tired weeks 2-9. And last week I was dizzy for a few hours. But aside from that, no issues. We had our first prenatal appt on December 9th. The midwife did an impromptu ultrasound which helped me feel more secure that there was actually a baby in there. It was so neat. You can totally see the arm buds and leg buds and the heart valves pumping super fast. We got a picture - see below.

My next appointment is this Thursday. I'll have the full physical exam and hopefully hear the heartbeat. I have started to show a tiny bit and thanks to some great finds here and there I have a few staple clothing items that make me feel more comfortable. Then, on February 8th we find out the sex of our little "Sweet Pea". I can't wait!!!

What else has been going on?

Kiddo turned 5 in November. Hard to believe he's that old already. He is completely obsessed with presents, which I haven't quite figured out how to deal with yet. Then hubby and I spent Thanksgiving in Albuquerque, NM with my girlfriend and her family. We had a really great visit and Briseis did great on the road. Christmas came way too quick this year. We had kiddo which was really fun. Since we hadn't had him for Christmas since he was 3, it was neat to see him so excited. He was very motivated by Santa. Overall, it was a really nice holiday season. We had lots of home time just relaxing and being together.

Work is still pretty busy. I learn something new every day.

Still don't miss school. Ha ha. No surprise there, right?

Briseis is doing really well. She's been with us for almost 4 months. She actually just went into heat again last week so we're dealing with that. Little fuzzy butt is crazy!!

Home is great. Hubby and I are super excited for our new arrival and to have this time together before life is changed forever. Truthfully, I feel like a different person being out of school. I'm less stressed, less on edge, and feel overall relaxed. Or as much as I can be. It's nice.

Next on the agenda is a trip to D.C. to see my best friend in February. It will be a quick trip, but I can't wait to see her. She's pregnant too - about 3 weeks behind me which is SUPER exciting. Other than that... we're just taking it day by day. I'm happy. I'm healthy and life is good.

OH! The guess due date is July 15, 2011.

Sorry it's been a while.

I love the fall season. It is my most favorite of all because the colors are beautiful and the weather is perfect. Not to mention my favorite stuff happens, like my bday, Aaron's bday and thanksgiving. Mmmmm... food.

Here's the latest on stuffs.

Work: Still really busy. But it has slowed down enough for me to catch my breath and get some stuff cleaned up. I'm getting organized, which feels great. I've only wanted to do that for the last YEAR. The re-org has been a mess. We at least have our new assignments now. I got to meet some new customers last week and that went well. Still learning new stuff every day. My team is amazing and the two new peeps that were brought over from a previous team are super cool. Love them! I will say, the government is a wreck. I don't know if other agencies are like this, but from what I've experienced so far, DOI literally complicates things waaaaaaaaaaay more than is necessary. It's almost as if they want to create more work for themselves. But whatever, it's a job.

School: Still DONE. YAY! Not missing it at all! I do miss my bible classes though. Having that interaction with other Christians and talking about God every week. I might look into the whole bible study thing again at the church. Just not sure that I'll ever find what I'm looking for.

Nathan: Little man will be 5 November 17th. So crazy. Can't believe it's been 5 years already. We are having a little party for him at Chucky Cheese's. I know this is to be expected, but he is obsessed with his bday and presents right now. He talks non-stop about a Buzz lightyear toy that he wants. And more race cars. But he's doing great. He does have a new baby sister at home with Momma, so that is creating some behavior issues that we are working on daily.

Aaron: So far so good with him. I think he's still looking at other jobs and seeing what's out there, but nothing yet. No news is good news I suppose right now.

Briseis: She is the adorable dog that we rehomed. That became official Sept 24th. So far everything has been perfect. I was really worried about her separation anxiety, but it's been fine. I give her a raw hide every morning when I leave and put a fan on her. That fur gets hot! We go to the dog park at least 1 or 2 times a week. Aaron takes her for a 30 minute stroll when he gets home and then I love on her when I get home. She is soooo freakin cute. I adore her and while I wasn't sure how Aaron or Nathan would respond, both have been great. Nathan LOVES her. And Aaron is doing reall well with her. YAY! I like it when things turn out successfully!

Other: It's official. Aaron and I are actively trying to get pregnant. Honestly, it's really weird. I never thought about what it would be like... to be at this point in life. I mean, I've wanted to be a mom but never ever tried to get pregnant. And now that I'm here, it's scary. I am already worried that it won't happen or if it does it will take forever. If you know me, you know that I am one of the most impatient people on the planet. But at least now, when it does happen - we have a plan. I visited a midwifery birth center a couple weeks ago. Seemed like the ideal place but then after the visit I think it's a little too natural. I mean, it seems like a nice place but there are just too many ways to risk out of being able to have birth there. As of right now, I'm pretty certain we will go through the Unversity of CO Hospital out in Aurora. They have 4 midwives that are registered to do water births. Yes, that is the delivery method I am hoping for. Curious? Look it up people. It's not that uncommon and it's so much gentler than traditional hospital births. So yeah... at the UCH, they do water births there and in the event that something goes wrong an OR is like 3 yards away from the delivery room. Awesome. Plus, I toured the place and met some people. Very nice. So yes, we have a plan. YAY! Now it's just baby makin time! Keep fingers crossed and say some prayers for us if you don't mind ;-)

What else? OH! I drove down to NM a couple weeks ago to visit my gf and her family. We had a wonderful visit. However, on the way down I lost a piece of my car. Apparently at some point I backed over a curb and bent the bumper to a point where it made a corner pop out. Then driving 85 mph on I 25 with gusty winds took it clear off. I mean, it ripped off people. Looks like a strong man came over and decided to take a piece. Crazy. So that's in the works to get repaired. My poor car. It's still doing fine for the most part. It does this weird hard shift thing every now and then that's annoying. But other than that, it's great.

We are having family pictures taken this Saturday so I am SUPER excited about that. I will try and post a picture once we get them back. Maybe. We'll see. But yea - first family picture we've taken.

And today is Aaron and I's anniversary. 3 years. We've been through a lot already but right now everything feels so good. Kind of a nice feeling. We have Nathan tonight so we are celebrating tomorrow. Not sure what the plan is yet. It's a surprise, according to Aaron. For the most part I don't mind surprises... so I'll fill you in on that one later.

Soooo much to say

Well, last night I celebrated my 30th birthday (a little early, I know) and the fact that I graduated, officially, from college. I organized a little gathering at The Med in Boulder. There were around 20 of us. It was great!! It's so interesting having my group of friends together. It truly is a very diverse collection of people. Once everyone arrived it was sort of neat seeing everyone together. I had my very first Boulder friends at one table (also from my first CO job) and my current friends, who just so happen to be from the U.S.Geological Survey. We delighted in the fabulous tastes of the Mediterranean, sipped good wine and enjoyed good company.

Every now and then, something happens that really puts life in perspective for me. Last night was one of those moments. I realized on the drive home to Littleton, just how incredibly blessed I am to have such generous, devoted, caring and loving friends. Each one resembles the next in some shape or another, but they are all strongly independent and most importantly - direct. There's nothing hiding, no guessing, just very much so a, "What I am is what you get" type of mentality. And I love it. Five years ago I held a similar celebration at the same place. Even then it was an eclectic collection of friends and everyone seemed to have a good time. But I was distracted. I was very much involved with Aaron and didn't truly appreciate the moment as it was happening, at least how I should have. Now, I can absorb these moments as they transpire and appreciate just how big of a deal it is to have something like this in the first place. I mean, how many people can think of more than 10 people who would help them at any second? I have that!! I know that at any moment, no matter what is going on in my life, my friends are there. And hopefully I am that type of friend for them. Willing to do whatever is needed at any time. My heart is swollen with love right now. Love and commitment and loyalty and admiration. My friends are amazing.

Now on to the updates...

Work: So the day of my final class, July 18th, I was promoted to a GS-05. WHOO HOO! It's not a huge raise, but that extra $140 a month helps out soo much! Then, the day my degree was confirmed by CCU, I was converted to a permanent employee. As of August 8, 2010 I became an official REAL Federal Employee. YAY!!! Very exciting. And I can finally say that things have slowed down dramatically so there is now time to really work on other stuff. Stuff that got pushed to the back burner for way too long. I still love my team and hope that with the reorganization that will take place shortly, we'll still be together. Forever and always. Amen. Ha. Anyways, so yeah. Work is cool. Not to mention - I have new friends. Now I have people to go to lunch with and talk with when I'm stressed. People to bounce ideas off of when I'm struggling to comprehend something. AND the specialists are so incredible, they are willing to teach me stuff at any time. I still learn something new every single day.

School: DONE. Got my first B in almost 3 years with the last class. I just stopped caring and really wanted to be done with it all. Now I am an official graduate from Colorado Christian University. I have my BS in Organizational Management - Human Resources, a minor in Psychology, a certificate in Biblical Studies and a certificate in Project Management. Check!!!

Other jobs: Well the care-giving job has slowed down dramatically. I covered a few shifts in July but since then it's been pretty quiet. Dog sitting picked up though and most recently I have hardly been home. I am done for now though, until Sept 2nd. Then I get to watch Eliza through my birthday. I've pretty much decided that any dog sitting from here on out will be very limited to 1-2 nights. For a couple reasons. 1. I miss being home with Aaron and Nathan. 2. I am getting my own dog here soon and she deserves my attention. Details to come on that in a minute. I will continue to be on-call with the care-giving and do small pet sitting here and there... but for the most part I'm done.

New Addition: On September 10th we will officially have a dog in the house. Her name is Briseis and she is precious. She will be 4 in October, doesn't really bark, doesn't chew, is crate trained, potty trained, already loves Aaron, doesn't mind kids (Nathan talks in a high pitch voice that I think kind of scares her), is great with other dogs and most importantly has absolutely no issue or interest in cats. YAY! She's gorgeous. I adore her already and can not wait until she's a part of our family. We had her over the other night for a trial run to see how she'd do away from her current home and it went great. GAH! I can't wait to introduce her to everyone. (Oh… and she is a Keeshond) 

Aaron: Aaron is doing well. The Dr suggested having someone else administer his B12 injections because it costs an outrageous amount having the nurse do it there. SO I am now doing that for him 1 time a month. It helps him feel so much better and that is a huge plus. His job continues to suck. I mean, it's a job and we are of course thankful for the income, but it literally sucks the life out of him every day. He comes home and is so drained from work that he could fall asleep at 3pm and not wake up til the next day. Which, is understandable. Think about it, if all you did every day all day was listen to people bitch and moan about their car issues, it would get kinda old. Everyone is always pissed off or tense or hostile or irritated in someway. We are praying for major opportunities on this front and hope that doors will open up leading the way to a new, brighter, and better future.

Nathan: He is getting so darn big! His momma is teaching him how to read simple words right now, so he knows : Bat, Cat, Sat, Hat, Fat, Mat, Rat. His passion for Hot Wheels continues to thrive and grow every day. As of Sept 1st we will have him Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday nights. It still feels like we hardly have any time at all with him so those few hours are definitely appreciated. I'm not sure when, but he is going to do soccer this fall. That should be fun for everyone - watch a bunch of 5 yr olds run around trying to kick a moving ball. LOL... makes me giggle just thinking about it.

Family: As far as I know, everyone seems to be doing ok. I haven't actually talked to family for a while now. I think it's been a couple weeks. Sister is doing alright. We don't see each other very often, but that's what happens when life gets in the way. And I know it's that way with everyone. All my friends are busy too. Just sad sometimes. My mom and gma are still alive, so that in itself is a miracle. I feel like the sense of urgency to get out of the house they live in is gone, and any motivation to get the clutter out has long been lost. A part of me, and I know this is sick to say, wants to contact the show Hoarders. Cause I know someone would actually get in there and get the crap out. Plus, maybe then my mom and gma would get the professional help they need to deal with their hoarding issues. Sigh. I can't fix them though. All I can do is accept who they are and love them, right??

What else?? My car is great. Aaron replaced the struts at the end of April and OMG did it make all the difference! However, something happened in the last couple months and now there is a “hard shift” going from 1st to 2nd. I have gotten used to it, but when other people are in the car it is of course more obvious. Aaron has mumbled about some parts so that will get repaired eventually. We are still in an apartment and will be at least until March of next year. Hard to believe we’ve been here for a year already. It feels very comfortable and cozy. I do get a little antsy every now and then though and want to de-clutter. It’s easy to accumulate crap that you don’t really need. I guess the only other thing to mention is that Aaron and I will start trying to get pregnant after October. It feels like it has taken forever to get to this point and now that we are basically here, we just want to let it happen. YAY!!!

In 3 weeks I turn 30 and get a dog. In 2 weeks Aaron is going to NYC for a boys trip. Work is settling down. School is over. I can finally get my life back and return to spending time with friends (and hopefully family). I’m lookin up and seein the light. It feels good so far.

P.S. I broke my left foot almost 3 weeks ago. Was walking out a door, stepped wrong, rolled the ankle and snapped my 5th metatarsal. Ouch. I’m in a walking boot for 6 weeks and then will have another 6 weeks of additional recovery. Good news – the bone will heal and return to normal. Bad news – it will take FOR FREAKIN EVER!!! And this damn boot is big, black, bulky and greatly hinders my wardrobe. Sigh. There’s gotta be some drama, right?!

I can't be alone in thinking this stuff... right?

It just so happens to be one of those nights where I am analyzing every little thing about myself, life, other people, etc.

Life is so short, yet we spend so much time worrying about meaningless crap. Why? What good does it do? Why can't or don't we focus on all the good stuff that is right in front of us? Is it because we have a need or desire to balance things out and create drama in our own heads?

And why is it that I can forgive and feel all happy for someone one second and then the next want to scream because of all the bad crap associated with them? And why do the few negative comments that someone says outweigh the tons of positive comments?

Too many 'why's' and not enough answers. Or well, I know the answers but for some reason they don't stay at the forefront of my mind so I have to be reminded of them after I freak out.

Ugh. I am almost done with school. ALMOST. 1.5 weeks left. If you can believe it, I have actually considered going back at some point for a masters degree. In what? Not there yet... but the thought has flickered. Work is still busy. Insanely busy in fact. I can't believe it's July already. I don't have August or beyond in my planner yet so I feel completely disorganized. I am dog sitting for basically month and then the summer will practically be over. And then I'm turning 30. WTF? I have been looking forward to turning 30 but now I'm all - where the hell has the time gone? Have I spent it wisely? Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing?

Right now the hot topic at hand is whether we should get a dog or not. Ever since Lady passed away in 2006 I have had this void in my soul. And every time I'm around other people's dogs I want one of my own. Well, the time has come and opportunities have become available. What should we do? Do we take the plunge? Then, do we get a puppy or consider re-homing a sweet little girl.

Ok. Thoughts are starting to slow a little. That's all for now. Til next time.

A lot to say... too little time

I have looked at my blog every week for a while now with tons to say, but yet no energy to type it all out. We'll see how much I get out tonight.

1. Jon Smith - still sucks. Yeah, haven't gotten over what went down in January yet. So if you (Jon) are reading this - I am really glad you haven't made any attempts to contact me. And I hope you have no intentions of doing so in the future.

2. School - I finally got my HR class done and over with. I managed to creep out with an A, which is just crazy to me. I learned a lot and was so thankful to be done in the end. However, my instructor is truly amazing and I will miss communicating with her. The class I'm finishing up now is Theories of Personality. The textbook is really neat and I sort of wish I wasn't renting it. I keep seeing things that I want to highlight, tab, mark, etc. Eh... who knows. Maybe I'll buy it later. As of last night I began my Directive Study on Depression and then in June I'll have my very last class - online - on Abnormal Psychology. That class I am really looking forward too.

3. Work - Still really busy. I feel like such a slacker because every day I learn something I also remember there is something else I forgot and have to make time for. There aren't enough hours in the day and overtime hasn't been approved. So... I'm stuck. There is a guy that works in our office that used to be an HR Assistant. Apparently he was really really good. I'm going to ask him to lunch at some point and see if he can show me a few things. Right now - my desk is covered with green folders every day. I tell my customers it looks like Christmas.

4. Vegas was AWESOME. I had so much fun visiting with my best friend and making a new friend, her cousin. We got to shake our booties in a hot club and I managed to get stupid drunk and puke a few times. Walked the strip... got some sun... ate some delicious food and had some good conversation. Now I can't wait to go back. Also got temp tattoo and managed to fool a few peeps into believing it was real. Even if for just a few minutes ;-)

5. Easter with Nathan was fun. We had a surprise visit from one of my girlfriends and her son. They stopped by that Saturday so the kids colored eggs and played for a few hours. I made a yummy dinner. Then that Sunday we had a nice breakfast and just played. It was uneventful and quiet. A peaceful day for a peaceful holiday.

6. Graduation is coming up quick now. I thought my step dad was going to make it out here for the ceremony, but sadly... he lost his job. SO now my step-grandmother is coming instead. She'll fly in Fri morning and out Sunday morning. YAY!

7. Side job of Caregiving is going good. I have a client right now that I see Sunday mornings and Monday/Tuesday evenings. She is super sweet and very calm/patient. I truly enjoy spending time with her. It does make me a little sad at times though because I'm not able to do this with real family. And I want to buy her stuff (ie flowers, games, puzzles, clothes, etc.) Think I can adopt??

8. Side job of Dog Sitting is chill right now. I haven't done a whole lot which is good. Between all the other stuff I am SWAMPED. But I do miss my pups.

Have I mentioned that I am so incredibly busy that it takes me a couple days to respond to emails? That's just unheard of normally. Same with phone calls. I feel like I live in my car some days, which is fine with my new car. But still... sleep is definitely lacking. I would love to take a vacation to Naples. I saw tickets to Ft. Myers for $142. SIGH. The idea of vegging out on the beach for 3 days sounds delightful. Maybe later on. 30th birthday present perhaps??

K. I have procrastinated long enough... take this for now.

Stupid series... UGH!

I have become re-addicted, obsessed, etc. with the Twilight saga. CRAP FIRE! I was doing so well before and then last night I read about the trailer. GAH! I'm completely re-hooked. This weekend I plan to do homework, catch up on Season 4 of Dexter and re-read Eclipse. That should keep me busy, huh?

DAMN THIS SERIES!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! It is literally like crack to my brain. Or as I prefer to call it - Cotton Candy for the mind. It's pure sugar. And it's fake. So I just need to keep reminding myself of that, take some deep breaths and do everything possible from behaving like a silly school girl.

And for the record... there is a youtube video of a band that did a video, "Twilight - what have you done with my wife?" that is ABSOLUTELY hillarious. LOVE IT. And sooo sooo true. Sad.

I need to rant or something

I'm scattered. As in - my mind is literally all over the freakin place. What helps me focus? Lists.

School. Ok, so the class I'm in right now is kicking my butt. I have assignments every week that I really have to tend to and due dates that have no flexibility. In a way I feel like working for the government has slowed my way of doing things down. I can't think as fast because my first instinct is - eh, it's not the end of the world. Right? So yeah... I have like two more weeks left of class and then the next one rolls in. In looking at my schedule I will be steady until July 18th. That is when it's all over. Although, I still won't technically graduate until August. Which is fine. OH! So I ordered my cap and gown a week or so ago and it arrived. I tried it on. Pretty cool. I get to pick the rope up after April 15th, so that will be super cool when the whole outfit is all together. Did I mention that I looked at class rings? Yep. In high school I could have cared less about a class ring. Now - I want one. And there are nice ones out there... modern... simple... me. But too damn pricey.

Work. I think I mentioned before that the last few weeks have been insane. I have felt really overwhelmed at work and it's just been really busy. As HR Assistants we have a lot of responsibility to make sure important stuff is done correctly. Not any more than someone else in another job... but the pressure or stress level just feels a little heavier. Well my boss and I talked and she's going to take some stuff off my plate. Which feels really great because then I can breathe, but then I feel like such a slacker because I can't handle it all. I want to be able to do it all. All of the time. But there is just soooo much information. And I worry that I won't get it. I've been there for 9 months already and ... idk. It just doesn't feel like I'm where I want to be yet. Probably the biggest thing tripping me up right now is the pay.

So here is part 1 of my rant. The whole point of me going back to school and getting an education was so that I could be a strong, independent woman. Having a degree would open the doors to opportunities otherwise not available. Yet, as it stands... when I graduate I'm going to be THOUSANDS of dollars in debt (more so than I already am)and making $15k LESS than I was as an admin. I hated doing admin work. It was boring, repetitive and almost every boss I had was a turd. Not all - but most. And so it just sucks that here I am, getting my degree in HR and working in an HR job... yet I make crap for money. So to make up the difference, I am working two part time jobs. TWO. UGH. It's infuriating. I hate it. And I don't know what to do. So on nights when I really hate school and feel like quitting - this is what consumes my mind/thoughts. WHY GO ON?? WHY waste more money?

Anyways. What else. Bible study. Ok, so last fall I finally felt a tug or pull or whatever you want to call it to join a bible study / small group. I contacted a lady at the church. She emailed back and recommended that I wait til January because a lot of studies would be coming to a close with the holidays, blah blah blah. So I waited. I started this study in January and went in with the intention to learn more about the bible and grow with some other christian women. Well, last class at least two women at my table of 5 said that they don't complete their homework because the questions are too personal.

Rant number 2. SERIOUSLY?? What is the point of being in a small group or doing a bible study with a few ladies if you aren't even going to talk about the gutsy stuff? Otherwise, you could do it at home - ALONE. So I'm disappointed. The book of Daniel is really an incredible story and listening/watching Beth Moore has changed my life. Her view and interpretation of scripture is just amazing. But I'm more comfortable watching them at home and asking my own questions out loud than sitting at a table with a group of women who only want to talk about surface stuff. It's just - the whole point of doing it together is so that we grow and learn and listen and have the fellowship that we are supposed to have - that we are called to have with each other. Why? Because we can't have this type of fellowship with non-believers. I know for those of you who don't believe in God, I must sound crazy or whatever. But I'm just sad and disappointed. For now I'll continue to go and when it's all said and done, do a little more research into who I'm dealing with. We'll see how that goes.

Family. I can't stop thinking about family right now. Everyone is on my mind and it drives me crazy that I can't see them more or talk to them more... or whatever. I am still hoping to make it back to NC in the next few months, but I don't know if that's going to happen. Ticket prices are really high right now. On a positive note - my ex-step dad is going to fly out for my graduation ceremony in May. I am SUPER excited for that. I've told a few family members already and no one is interested. Whatever. I guess for most people graduating college isn't a big deal. For me - it is a BIG deal. I have spent the last 6 years of my life working and going to school along with everything else. It is a HUGE honor and big deal to have family be here when I walk across that stage. And yet I've only got 1 person who shows any level of enthusiasm or interest.

So basically, I suck. Because my people don't live up to my expectations and therefore I become disappointed and depressed. Blah.

Baby Fever. And I don't mean just the human kind... it's all over. This past Sunday Aaron and I went to a Keeshond Mardi Gras party. I found a breeder online and she invited me to the party. It was awesome. All these furry little babies running around all over the place. It only made me miss Lady even more and solidify once again that this breed is truly - MY breed. Aaron did great. He didn't interact with the dogs too much, but showed no sign of anxiety or stress. I talked with a breeder and met one of the gals she is going to breed this summer. I am hoping for a pup from that litter later on this fall. YAY!! Aside from furry babies though... there are pregnant women everywhere. The gal that sits on the other side of my cube wall is pregnant. We aren't close so I can't just talk to her or ask all the questions I want. Plus, I'm like hundreds of other freaks that wants to touch her belly. I haven't asked and I won't. But it's there. Then, like a punch in the stomach we found out last night that Nathan's mommy is pregnant and due in November. What's weird is that when I thought she was pregnant last year I was ok. Now, I'm a mess. I'm jealous. I'm envious. Things that I'm not normally. Why?? Aaron and I have openly talked about our plans to get pregnant next year. So it's not like I don't have something to look forward to, because I do. But then there is a fear. Fear of - what if? What if I can't or don't get pregnant? How do you live life surrounded by women who have babies like it's nothing? And I think with Baby's Momma in particular, it's a combination of things. I feel like she has everything she's ever wanted and it all comes so easily. Secure job - check. Stable husband - check. Big house - check. New car - check. Involvement at the church - check. I mean, the list goes on and on. And I ask myself - how much freakin longer? Ugh. I know that if the time were right, we'd be pregnant right now. It's just still a little hard to watch other people when you know you can't yet. I'm just really anxious for that experience. OH! Not to mention - my sister-in-law is pregnant too. Due in October. Of course I am thrilled for all these mommies, I just want to be one.

What else? Vegas is less than two weeks away. I can't wait. So I have Vegas in March. Easter with the squirt in April... graduation and visitor in May. Father's Day in June. Etc.

I guess for now I'm done. The words and thoughts are out of my head.

A white rope

So I ended up staying home today with another disabling migraine. Thank GOD for medication that makes the pain go away. Along with sleep. Anyhoo... in between naps I decided to go through some emails and take care of a few things that needed my attention. One of which is graduation ceremony stuff. I got an email a couple weeks ago saying I had to complete a form, order cap/gown and whatever else. So I went to complete the stuff and it wouldn't let me. It kept saying "Completed". I called my advisor and she informed me that the form was complete - an error would be corrected, however - BUT that I will be graduating with HONORS. CUM LAUDE!!! I get to wear a special white rope dealy and everything. I can't believe it.

2010 Happenings

As of last week I am officially enrolled in a Pilates class with a friend. It's on site at the Welness Center for work so we just hop over there. Today was week 2. My core feels like someone punched me in the gut a few times. Ugh. I am so out of shape!

I am also in a bible study on Thursday nights from 7-9 pm. We are studying the book of Daniel - Living a Life of Integrity. So far it's amazing. It's going to change my life. It's a Beth Moore study, which I have never done before but I love her style of preaching/teaching.

Courtesy of my bestest friend, Krissi, I am going to LAS VEGAS in March. I CAN NOT wait. I get to have 2.5 solid days with her to just hang out, talk, be silly, cry, and most importantly - take advantage of all the sin city happenings.

I am dog sitting this weekend for 3 of my favorite pups. I can't wait to be with them all weekend. Long walks... furry cuddles... kisses.

Sad news -Aaron's best bud, Todd, had his dad pass away last week. We are attending the services this Saturday down in the Springs. But it's just really sad. I love Todd dearly and to know he's hurting makes my heart ache. Losing family sucks.

Eh. I can't think any more for tonight.

Giving Blood saves lives!

And in my particular situation, it also makes me a wuss. I gave blood yesterday for like... the 5th time or something since early last year. Aaron and I have O+ and so the bank calls like clock work every 10 weeks. Well yesterday it just didn't start out all that well. I slept on a couch, got horrible sleep, ate a quick breakfast and then didn't eat again until AFTER my blood appt. So everything is going as normal. I'm feeling fine and then the gal goes to pull the needle out. All of sudden I feel really sick and within a minute start to get super light headed and dizzy. So I turn to her and say, "Um.. I don't feel right." She takes one look at me, raises my feet, grabs a couple cold compresses and then I puked. Yep. At the freakin blood bank. How pathetic does that get?? Anyways, there were a ton of contributing factors to my situation, but overall I just felt incredibly embarrassed. Got home, at a sandwich, took a shower and napped for a bit. Woke up a couple hours later feeling much better but not 100% yet. Then I made Aaron and I a very fancy, gourmet meal. DELICIOUS!

So... after thinking about it some I believe what happened is that my mind got the better of me. I was nervous about going in because the last time we were there the gal that pricked me HURT!!!!!!! LIKE.... REALLY BAD.... SO Bad in fact that my scar took like 11 weeks to heal. Nuts. SO there was a little anxiety going into it. Ugh. Whatever it's done. Tomorrow morning I go to my general physician to have some blood work done to check all my levels of stuff. I guess my cholesterol was up a little last year so they are concerned about that. Anyways, I'll let you know what happens there. For now I feel ok. Just tired. And my bladder feels like the size of a walnut because I have to pee so freakin much. The ladies at the blood center told me to double/triple my water intake. Well - I already drink a lot so now its a LOT LOT.

Anyhoo... the meds have kicked in and I'm sleepy. YAY! Will write more tomorrow. I still have stories.

<3 m

How long can the body hurt?

Ok, so my weekend in North Carolina went ok. I didn't accomplish any of my initial goals, but we got my Grandma in a better bed, so that is good. However- I will be flying back another 2 times in the next 8 months to help get them moved into an apartment.

So day 1 was Friday the 22nd. My uncle and I arrived with the idea that we were "surprising" my mom. Ha. My Gma had a fit. She thought we were there to take her away to a home. But then she quickly calmed down, changed her tune and allowed us to come in and purge her space. That day not a whole lot got done. My mom and I loaded up around 18 loads of laundry in bags, uncle put them in the van and we headed to a laundry mat. Not a bad place... they actually let you use the dryers for free if you wash your clothes there. Nice deal I think. I dropped mom off there and headed to Wal-Mart for some necessities. Came back, loaded up all the clothes and took mom home. Day 2 my uncle I met at WM and then headed to the house for the official purge. Our plan - get all the crap out and clear out the space around my Gma's bed so we could dis-assemble her current bed and put a new one in. It took about 6.5 hours to get the clutter out. Then we made another trip to WM and went by the storage unit to grab the spare mattress/box spring. That was fun. We managed to get the mattress inside the van and then tied the boxspring down to the roof. HA HA. It was a sight. Then we got the bed set up and for the first time watched as Gma was able to go from her wheel chair to a bed with no issues. YAY!!! Mission accomplished. Day 3 wasn't as productive, but I was a little bitter, so it was ok. I had intended to go to church with my friends but was literally too exhausted to move so I slept in. Then I got ready, picked my mom up and headed to Sephora - her dream store. We had lunch at Red Robin and then I dropped her off to shop for a little bit. While she was looking through all sorts of skin care and make up I was washing the van. It was a little grody, so I felt good when it was all shiny. Swung back and picked up mom. I even took a picture of her outside the store. Then I dropped her off to play with her new stuff.

So my oldest friend, Bri, had a baby two weeks ago today. I called to see if it was ok to stop over. Of course she lives in the middle of NOWHERE and it was raining. That drive was fun. But well worth it. I got to meet Carter Michael and Bri's husband, Bobby. Emma and I got to chat for a bit - she is 7 and loves Black Holes right now. Carter is adorable and I didn't want to give him back after holding him for like an hour. Ahhh.. babies. Can't wait! Then I drove back to K'ville. OH! SO I don't want to forget to mention that while I was in NC I stayed with my fabulous best girlie friend Ames and her hubby who I also got to meet for the first time. It was definitely the best place for me to crash at for this trip. Very comfortable and at home feeling. YAY! That night I ended back up at WM and then made myself a yummo dinner. Day 4 was Monday. I got up and stuffed my face with more biscuits. Did I mention those before?

Ok. Biscuits in the south are truly delicious. I haven't been able to find anything that comes close to the fabulousness of their biscuits. Mmmm... the butter.. the flakiness... It's just soooo good. When Celeste and I drove out to CO from NC in July 2007 we noticed that Hardees and Bojangles stopped at Tennessee. Sad, huh? The peeps in CO deserve quality biscuits too. I just checked and they are solely in the South. As for Hardee's though, we have a couple close to us in WY. Cool. Never knew that. Ok, back to that Monday. For breakfast I had 3 biscuits. Delicious. Then for lunch I got to have my favorite BBQ in the whole world - Stamey's. OMG. I can't even describe the party that takes place on my tongue. Delicious. And for dessert - Strawberry Cobbler. GAH! Then, amazingly enough, we were able to make a quick stop by my uncle's work for a hug and mini tour of his work. It's pretty neat what they do there. And it's cool that he's been there for as long as he has. The flight home took a little longer than expected, but in the end I got home less than an hour late. Tuesday, Wed and Thurs were exhausting. Even now I still feel tired and sore in places.

Yeah, so about my body hurting. Tues and Wed my legs were driving my crazy. I stretched all day practically and still they hurt. I was up and down and doing so much over the weekend that when it came time to sit at my desk and do work - my body wasn't so happy. Now my neck and shoulders are expressing their discomfort. What is the point to all of this? I AM OUT OF SHAPE. I gotta start working out soon. Hiking, walking, going to the fitness center, etc. How long is it supposed to be this way? When does the soreness go away? Cause it seems like no matter how much water I drink, no matter how much I stretch, the muscles ache. Boo.

Anyways... very busy week at work. I am super duper busy and as a result feel like I'm not catching everything. I am a perfectionist, so that doesn't work well for me. School is kicking my butt. I started my capstone class for HR and I have 3 assignments per week. Gross, huh? Yeah... I can NOT wait to be done. I am still pet sitting. Got to watch Eliza this weekend. I sure do like her. The weather was perfect this weekend so we got to take some nice walks.

This is it for now. I have lots of other thoughts to come later. I will talk about my last class, my thoughts on life and just in general how I'm feeling. Prepare yourselves, I plan to expose the dark spots on my soul. Peace out peeps.

Jon Smith SUCKS

Um... yeah.... so if you are still reading my semi-private little blog here I would like all of you to know that Jonathan Smith is probably in the top worst 3 friends I have ever had. EVER.

Why?

Because this past weekend I took on the challenging endevour of flying to North Carolina to try and get some clutter out of my Gma's house. It was a very spur of the moment type of decision, but Aaron agreed that I needed to do something so I bought the ticket. Knowing that Jon lived a few hours away and we had wanted to see each other to catch up, I asked for his help and he gladly accepted. He offered his truck, a trailor, a few tarps and maybe even some boxes along with his personal muscle.

Sadly - and much to my disappointment - he didn't show up. Or call. Or anything. AT ALL. SO I was stuck at one house without transportation. And then the entire chore of clearing 5 areas of clutter rested solely on me and my uncle. For 3 days.

I am bitter. I am angry. I am disgusted. I am disappointed. I am sad. It just all around sucks. Here it is, I've had this friend in my life for the past 15 years. We've talked off and on and within the last few months its been, "I'm really glad that you're in my life again... blah blah blah." TOTAL BULL SHIT. So in the end, I feel like a fool for trusting yet another human being to follow through on what they say they will actually do. Uh huh. Whatever.

So yeah - Jon, if you're reading this. I think you are a coward and a lame example of a person. Good luck with your life.

I am all at sea...

HA! I WISH!!

Ok, so tons has happened since my last post. Our weekend with the squirt was awesome. He loved all his new toys and we had a blast playing along with him. I bought these foam swords at Target a couple months ago and they are GREAT. He just laughs and giggles and laughs.... I could hear that laugh all day long. Know what I mean?

Back at work that Tuesday, Wed and partial Thursday. Whomever is our primary decision maker on the totem pole let us leave at 1pm on the 31st. WHOO HOO! Know what I did? I took a nap!! Yep. Went home, cuddled with the pups I was watching and took a nice nap. Then we went for a long walk and parted ways. Their parents got home that night and I headed to Eliza's. Oh yeah.... I sure do love this dog. She is just so darn cute! Once I got over to her place she and I went for a long walk too. While I don't necessarily want to go walking at first with the dogs I watch, once I'm doing it - I usually feel really good afterward. So I know it's good for both of us. Anyways... that night was uneventful. Ace was a turd that night so I celebrated the new year watching Kendra and some show on Animal Planet. That Friday Ace and I had a serious talk... for like, 5 hours. After that we ate some lunch and headed to the mall. I'm on a mission to find the perfect boot. Now - this is the perfect boot for ME, not some fashionista. We walked around this damn mall for what felt like forever. I must have tried on 10 different pair. Nothing. Nada. Ick. Then we left there and watched Watchmen. Overall it was a nice way to start the year.

Then on Sunday I got some serious alone time and kicked my organizing into overdrive. It was awesome. I got so much done and it looks amazing. YAY! I also got some reading done for class and prepped for the week. It's been nice, actually. I have been home just about every night this week. Sleeping in my own bed, etc. Over the past month or so I realized that I need to be a little more selective with my pet sitting. I love animals, but time away from home ALL the time is a little much. Especially now that Ace and I are really making an effort to keep things healthy between us. I am actually on-call for my first weekend with the new job starting tonight. So far nothing yet. If everything goes as expected, I'll not get called in but make an easy $75. Not bad, huh?

So school... or class has been really interesting. Human Sexuality is much more than I really thought about. Not a surprise there, but it's forced me to think about a lot of things I wouldn't have otherwise. I imagine one night I will go into specifics on the blog and ask all sorts of questions. For now, just know that it has been a really neat class. One of our assigned textbooks is, Real Sex-The Naked Truth about Chastity. The title is a little scary and the first two chapters were horrible, but once you get into it - its actually a really good book. The 7th chapter in particular talks about sex in the church community and how as a church whole we really should be telling each other more about ourselves than we do. And we should be talking more openly about sex being that it was created by God. Very good read for any one who has an open mind and is interested.

Home life... well Ace and I are renewing our lease this weekend for another 14 months. Yep... apartment life is ours for a little while longer. My hope is that between now and then we can dig ourselves out a tiny bit from this massive pile of heaping crap I call "debt". Ick. Yeah. And apartment living does have its advantages. One of them is not having a neighbor who lives above you that just so happens to have a nervous twitch and bangs the floor and walls at all hours of the day. It's also really annoying to have your front door move every time someone else slams theirs. BUT... the biggest advantage of all is the fact that I can vacuum the entire apartment off of one freakin outlet. YEP. Awesome. There isn't too much space to clean, in fact I actually feel really comfortable with the amount of space we have and are responsible for keeping clean and tidy. And I still manage to keep it clutter free! WHOO HOO! The cats are still furry. I think about shaving them on a daily basis. I hate the cat hair. A LOT. I know they'd be pissed off, but at least I could sleep at night knowing that I don't have to worry about possibly coughing up a fur ball in the morning. I swear - that damn fur gets everywhere! What else. My car is still awesome. It has done great in the snow so far. Of course I'm an amazing driver, so accidents aren't a possibility. But I did have a mini-heart attack yesterday when some a-hole cut me off with the roads being slick. Idiots. It's a miracle I even drive, really. I hate other drivers.

Work is really neat right now. Today I got to build a vacancy announcement all by myself and it felt really good. Of course I had to still ask questions along the way, but for the most part I feel like I have a handle on what I'm doing. It's also given me a new understanding and appreciation for the USGS. I think I have a much better idea of who we are as an organization now that I'm building jobs and advertising them. YAY for HR!

Health wise I've been ok. Not great, but ok. I had some stomach issues back in December and so I'm seeing my specialist at the end of this month. Just some abnormal pain sometimes. Nothing major. I also think I've had less migraines, even during my monthly low hormone periods. There was a kidney stone about a month ago, but that thankfully didn't last long. Whew, it was a painful one too. All I can think every time I get one now is - I hope this doesn't put me in the freakin hospital. I don't have time for this! My biggest complaint right now is muscle soreness. I can't seem to stretch enough to make my back, neck, shoulders stop hurting. Ideally - I'd have a massage a couple times a month. Realistically - I get one every 4 or 5 months. I know I tend to sit at the computer for too long and all that, but still... I'd like to think with as much stretching as I do... But, whatever.

So the biggest news of all is that I'm going to North Carolina in a couple weeks. I'm flying in on the 21st and heading back home on the 25th. Why? Because my mom and Gma live in a clutter filled house and need help. Serious help. So much help in fact that a close friend is driving up from GA with his truck to give me a hand. Sadly, my poor uncle has taken the grunt of all their drama the last 7 years and I only now found out how bad the situation is. I'm now stepping in and taking charge. The plan is to tear down a shed, empty another shed, consolidate two storage units into the one shed, get 3 bedrooms cleared out and figure out the washing machine situation. It's a lot for a solid 3 days, but I feel like with 3-4 adults working on it, all will get done in the end. I just want to be able to live day to day knowing that my mom is sleeping in a bed, not on a couch, and that when the time comes to move them OUT of this house it will at least be semi-organized. Of course I will report on how well that goes. Right now I'm nervous, anxious and excited all at the same time. I'm happy to see a couple good friends and to visit my mom. But I am really nervous that my Gma is going to be uncooperative and not let us get this house cleaned out. I understand its her house and all that... but when it gets to a certain point I think people just get overwhelmed and need a little help. I'm that little help. Sort of. For those of you who pray - please make some serious prayers for me during that weekend. It's going to be rough all around. On a good note - I will finally get to eat some damn quality biscuits and BBQ. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... the things Southerners take for granted. I can't wait.

I think that's about it. My mind is filled with all sorts of thoughts right now. Hopefully I can fall asleep soon. Real quick... I want to recommend a book of poetry written by W. Michael Armbruster. It's called, Hugs and other wonderful stuff. REALLY good poetry. It's real, authentic, full of love and passion. And it helps that I know him:-)

I hope all of you have a blessed weekend.

<3
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